The reason I like my house to be less messy is two fold.
1. When the house is less messy, it is available.
Last Friday morning my sister called and wanted to make a spur of the moment visit. All I had to do was get groceries and put sheets on the guest bed. I could fully enjoy the fact that we got to hang out with them. And fully enjoy our home.
2. I function better in a less messy nest.
If I feel like my house is a wreck, I am unsettled and ultimately I make my people miserable. I am a better person when our home is somewhat tidy and organized.
You may want your house to be less messy for other reasons. And my definition of “less messy” may be WAY different than yours. And that is totally fine.
One way I accomplish having a less messy nest is to let go of expectations. I’m not very good at too many things but one of my biggest strengths is my ability to put up with imperfection. Learning to enjoy the pretty while living with the good enough for now takes practice.
Life is quickly passing by even while your home is less than perfect.
Last Easter we had 30 + people over for lunch. Most had never been to our home before. The house looked random, chaotic, odd, and other adjectives that I hate to associate with my nest. I had one drape hung, sample paint colors on the walls and hardly any furniture in the family room. And I made it a point not to apologize for any of it. The focus was on the people. It was perfect. Perfect for all the right reasons.
What is the the purpose of your home in this season of life and how does that affect your standards of messiness and perfection?
Be sure to visit the other 31 dayers::Life With My 3 Boybarians, Reluctant Entertainer, The Inspired Room, Remodeling This Life, Chatting at the Sky, Balancing Beauty and Bedlam, My First Kitchen, over the next 31 days. Want to read all the Less Messy Nests posts? Click here.
I love that you didn’t apologize… that would be hard for me. Even when my house looks as good as it gets, I still apologize that it isn’t perfect. Silly.
Not too long ago, I would not let anyone enter my home unless it was perfect. That means that I would leave drop-byers on the doorstep. :(
I finally realized that it is much more important to be welcoming and gracious than to be worries about what my mess looks like. Most likely, they don’t even notice or they understand that I have 2 small children.
I still struggle with it, and still clean my house thoroughly for even the babysitter, but I’m just trying to remember that nobody likes a perfectionist anyway. :)
Thanks for the inspiring post!
I like this. I’ve never been a great housekeeper, but I’m definitely getting better (after 26 years of marriage!). My husband is a pastor, so our home is used often for hospitality. We’ve learned not to apologize for the paint (which our landlord won’t let us change and he won’t fix), the furniture (after two boys and a girl), the decorating (thrift store eclectic, to say the least!), or anything else. People enjoy fellowship. Most don’t come to critique the house. We’ve been told our home is comfortable, and we’ve actually had visiting preachers fall asleep on our couch on a Sunday afternoon . . . and that makes me happy!
I also love that you didn’t apologize. That is one of my BIGGEST weaknesses. Even if it’s near perfect, I will find something to apologize for. I recently had friends over this weekend, and believe me when I say that parts of my house are a wreck right now from my Etsy shop. My dining room has turned into a storage area, and it drives me batty. But before I could apologize, my friend told me how she always feels so bad after coming to my house because she feels that my home is always so nicely decorated and pretty. It made me stop myself in my tracks and remember to focus on what IS right with my home.
AND, exactly what you talked about in this post is exactly what has been on my mind. While I was getting ready for company, I was thinking about how one of my new goals is to be mostly company ready in our home. Great minds think alike. :)
♥ Amber
Silver Lining
That is one of my new goals too as well as not making any more apologies!!
Ohhh… your blog now has an opinion central pop up. In case I’m feeling opinionated. (I’m not.)
You and Sandy share similar messages. I get it.
It’s much easier in theory than in practice, though. I reeeeeally like my house *just so*. Shoot me.
WHAT? What’s an opinion central popup? My blog has a mind of it’s own and wants your opinions?
My purpose for my home right now is to enjoy my children and educate them in our small home. So that means giving up a ‘house decorating magazine’ looking living room and dining room. It means a huge Epedit bookshelf in our dining room… ya know the big honkin’ 72 incher? but it is useful to contain the homeschooling clutter, which it is doing so far.
There is a sign on my wall that says “please excuse the mess and noise, the kids are making happy memories.” Recently while I was apologizing profusely, my company took me by the shoulders turned me around and told me to read the sign I had hung on my wall. What grace she extended! Instead of standing there and listening to me blubber away. She quietly reminded me that my purpose right now is to enjoy my children. It was so nice to not feel judged by her. So many others make me feel judged with just the way they glance around my house. Living in a parsonage is not very easy, one has to become rather thick skinned about things like this I suppose.
by the way… since my gracious friend did this. I have stopped apologizing. I have had to make a concerted effort to stop this habit but I am not apologizing anymore.
I should have let you write the post. Beautifully said Sharon. Makes me sad that you feel judged living in a parsonage.
I love the thought of your sign so much that I just fixed myself one in Word until I can create a more beautiful and creative one! My husband has also been a minister for most of our marriage and I, too, had many of your same feelings. I finally (tried to ) let go of it and just let people come in, mess and all. I have always apologized to everyone for everything related to my homekeeping skills. I love to cook and hospitality is a beloved gift I treasure, but I really stink at keeping my house picked up and de-piled. This series has helped tremendously.
This is cracking me up. All us girls and our shared brain. I bumped a post I was going to do today called “know your reasons”.
Anyway – I am an overapologizer. Even as someone is in my home complimenting something, I am apologizing for something else. I used to apologize before anyone even came in “I’m sorry it’s a mess” – even when it’s not. Last week, I have two gatherings here and for the first time ever made a point not to apologize and it was so good.
I have written about lovely neighbors we have before and my post tomorrow is about them too. When she comes over, I’d apologize and finally she said “I raised 5 kids! Stop apologizing!!!”
I do like my house pretty tidy because I hate if someone calls to come over and I feel like I either have to put them off or race around cleaning up. I love when the opportunity for guests arises and I can simply say “yes, come on over!” because it’s good enough.
Oh my goodness. You just said everything I have been thinking as I’ve been de-cluttering our home lately. Only in many less words and so much more clearly! I linked back to this post because you hit it on the head. I began decluttering over a month ago when I realized how stressed the clutter was making me (and by default, my family!).
Thank you thank you thank you for this series. I have slacked off in the blog world lately, but this has brought me back! I look forward to each day’s addition!
More often than not my home is messier than I like it to be. Mainly because of our daughter’s allergies, I like to keep it more dust free. I also like it to be more welcoming = less messy for me.
Thanks for another great post.
Keep up the great work of posting for these 31 days.
I am one to apologize too, but like many others have already stated, a lot of my friends stand there only wishing their houses looked like mine. I would hate to think that I was putting down one of my girlfriends or making them feel uncomfortable.
I remember something Dr. Phil said awhile back on his show (several years back), when someone was talking about worrying about how people perceive them (in the “looks” dept). He said something to the effect of “if we all only knew how little people actually care about what we look like, we’d stop worrying about it”.
We waste so much precious time worrying about what other’s think, we don’t get to enjoy the here and now…
Guilty as charged, but I’m working on it!
The purpose of my home is to live in it. I keep the living room fairly neat because that’s where “school” is (my son attends online school). Keeping it tidy and organized makes life easier.
My challenge is the kitchen, it’s badly designed and looks messy very quickly. However, de-messifying that room regularly is essential because there is so little counter space that you have to clear it off to prepare food!
I have to giggle about being ready for company-the only company we normally have are our parents, and both the moms are hoarders. One of them is a geniune stuff stacked to the rafters oughtta be on TV shows hoarder, the other would be, given half the chance and a husband that didn’t throw things out when he thinks they’ve served their purpose. My house is ALWAYS cleaner and tidier than the homes of these guests, so there are no apologies here!
I love this post…..I am terrible about not having people over because the house isn’t perfect…the kitchen curtains aren’t my favorite, etc, etc. I need to print this out and tack it to my refrigerator…and LEAVE IT OUT when people come over! ;)
I’ve never really seen my ability to live with imperfections as a strength, but it really is. I’ve seen friends who struggle with perfectionism in their homes, homeschool, expectations for their kids etc. I’m happy to be able to live with good enough.
I couldn’t agree more! Lovin’ these posts everyday.
I’ve tried to be conscious of not making excuses or pointing out the faults I know are there when guests come over. They see things through different eyes anyway. And when I visit others and they constantly apologize it makes me feel like I’m intruding. So I love that advice. Now I will run around picking up stuff when I get wind of someone coming because, well, we LIVE here! I’ve so enjoyed your series. Thanks for helping me realize good enough IS good enough.
I really like this post. You said it perfectly – the focus should be on people. I should keep my house clean so that I can focus on other things, other people. But if it’s not perfect, it’s ok, because again, I’m focusing on the people in it. And I love what you said about not apologizing – chances are other people aren’t even paying attention to it if you don’t focus on it!
Yes! So much calmer when there isn’t a mess or clutter even if it’s just us enjoying it!
Great series! Janell
My house says “People with small children live here!!” Seriously. I can’t expect a two year old to clean up every. single. toy before she moves on to the next. So we do one big clean up at night and both girls pitch in. I’ve had to let go of hating the “toy clutter,” not to be confused with the “we have too many toys” kind of clutter. Yeah, we have that too…..
Since we’ve started working from home, the purpose of our home has changed from what it used to be. But at the end of the day, it’s still the place that makes me feel the most happy and safe. Well, that, and the Disney Channel. And Nickelodeon.
I love watching kids shows!
(They don’t play scary movie trailers on the commercial breaks on those channels either. Bonus!)
:-)
Layla
Hey there. I enjoy your blog nearly every day although I rarely comment. Just wanted to pop in and say thanks so much for the inspiration and encouragement. i was particularly struck today to consider the purpose of my home “in this season.” Hmmm. I’ll be pondering that one today. I’m a fairly recent empty nester and while it’s a lot easier to keep the nest tidy with no kids at home, I love it when they come home, bringing friends, laundry and glorious chaos!
love, love this post.
I agree that a less messy nest is an available nest! When I keep my home tidy I always feel ready for company. Our home is just down the street from our church…so we often have people swing by to hang out or pick us up.
Unfortunately, I am still bad about appologizing for any messes lying around….but somehow everyone still thinks I keep such a clean house….their crazy! :)
I have learned that an imperfect house is often more welcoming and people feel more comfortable in it because they know you are real just like them…dust, mail piles, and all!
Hi, I love your chalkboard framed art on the wall. What a great idea!
God has impressed on my heart so many times in the last few years that people are more important than things. When I try to make decisions on how to handle situations that might be difficult (or things that could potentially embarrass me) I try to look at the people vs. the “things” that might be affected. People need to win HANDS DOWN! So, you need a place to have a social for your SS class? The relationships are far more important than my stained carpet… COME ON OVER! It needs to always be that way. Otherwise I lose too! I lose out on time spent making memories because there’s dust in the playroom!?! Uh. no.
I’m not good at the no-apologies thing. I’m always feeling like it’s not good enough and needs to be explained. But that doesn’t make people feel welcome. I have friends coming over this week for my son’s 5th birthday. I will make a conscious effort not to apologize – to make the day about my sweet boy and our wonderful friends.
Both you and your sister are so refreshing. God uses you both to speak words of truth into this girl’s heart.
I totally get where you’re coming from…I have spackle in 2 of my bathrooms where we changed out fixtures that has been there for almost 10 mos….it is driving me crazy, but it hasn’t been a priority. We also have tons of family photos and artwork that are laying against the walls waiting for someone to make a decision and hang them…yet we entertain under these conditions, with as many as 40 people at a time. I would love to get it all done but realize it will never be perfect. My goal is that if someone is coming I just have to change the sheets (I like to do them fresh the day guests arrive), vacuum and freshen the bathroom they are using…sometimes I’m there, some days I’m miles away, but life is a journey, right? Love the series btw☺
I think the heart of it is hospitality. Whether our house is tidy or crazy messy, we are all called to show hospitality. I know that I have had to let go of the need for perfection so that I can just invite people in the door! I love when a friend calls and wants to pop over, so I never say no because I am too excited about seeing and adult! Many times I am still in jammies and running around trying to just make MYSELF look presentable. :) Thanks for reminding me again that its about the people and the relationships, not the clutter.
In our last home, we didn’t have a housewarming party because I wanted to wait until everything was ready (decorated, cute, etc) – so as we were moving out 5 years later I realized what a shame it was that we didn’t ever do that.
We just moved into our new home about 3 months ago and with a 6 month old baby, it’s nowhere near the shape I would like it to have people over. But I have already hosted a baby shower for 20 and had lots of family/friends in town for our son’s baptism. I tried not to apologize for the bare walls, but I did find myself saying that occasionally. Thank you for this post to remind me that having the experiences with my family and friends are more important than having them see my home in a perfect state. Because it never will be perfect and I can’t put my life on hold until it gets there.
This is a great post. I’ll have to go back and read your others, but this one resonates with me. I need to do a better job of accepting “good enough” instead of striving for the illusive, never attainable perfection!
Blessings!
Linsey
I remember when I was in college- I went to a family’s home that I didn’t know very well. When we walked in the house was a MESS! Like crazy, messy! But here’s what I loved- the mom didn’t apologize for it. She let me in, offered me some tea and that was that. It was the first time in my life that someone was ok with just being. And it obviously stuck with me because that was 13 years ago!
So today, the function of our home is everything. We homeschool, we host a small group, we try to have college students over very often. We host play dates and random drop bys! And I love it. My house is not fussy. It is lived in. It is quite small so we REALLY live in it. The dining room table is our school table, is our art table, etc. And I love that.
Why is it when I have my house in perfect order (which is super rare) NO ONE stops by but if it is a MESS, someone will pop in unexpected? I grew up with a bonafide neat freak as a mom so if my home doesn’t look perfect (um which would truly be never) then I am embarrassed by it. I love being a hostess. LOVE it but I am a terrible house keeper. I don’t think it helps that we have 6 people living in 1100 sq ft home and we have TOO MUCH stuff. I am working on getting rid of stuff but dang… I bet your home is never truly that messy :)
That’s the cool thing about Nester-you watch the posts for a while, trust me, her house gets messy, just like everyone else’s!
If you love being a hostess then just BE a hostess-set your own standards, your moms standards do NOT get to dictate how you live in your own house! If you love having people over, have them over, make them welcome and enjoy their company-they’ll never, ever, care what your house looks like.
Your post really moved me and I feel I need to say this-
I’ll bet you’re not a terrible house keeper, I’ll bet you just got used to having it criticized if it wasn’t perfect. Imperfection is what makes people unique. It is the crooked tooth that adds charm to a smile, the mole that adds interest to a cheek, curves that might not be exactly the most currently popular size but that your special someone truly adores. Embrace your imperfections-nthen go call someone and invite them over!
Well said Colleen, remember, those imperfections are often called …wait for it….
beauty marks.
I have a post about that soon.
Hate me.
And compared to my mom’s my house my is a wreck most of the time. I’m sitting here typing with a an apple core that’s turned brown 30 minutes ago, an open jar of peanut butter, unfolded laundry and something in the trash smells funny.
yes, yes, don’t apologize for it. i feel so at peace and comfortable when i go to someone’s home and it looks like a family lives there and they don’t apologize for it. they are just settled and focused on people. love that. i’m trying to get there.
I am raising a special needs grandchild. Something I never expected in a million years but it has totally changed my priorities. I’ve gone from “House Beautiful” to “Family Fun.” The first year (I’m embarrassed to admit) I was an absolute wreck trying to keep everything in order. Today (five years later) I’ve relaxed, simplified and am trying hard to learn that each day is a gift. I want to enjoy every minute. Thanks so much for this series and especially today’s post. It’s been amazing to read some of the comments.
Loved this post. Really want my nest to be guest ready, and it rarely is. I need to work on systems to help me achieve it. I’ve been inspired. Off to get some things done for the next hour.
Dana
I love, love, LOVE the beautiful white chalk board above the couches. I have got to find a way to implement that in my home! Wow! Love your style!
I LOVE that you didn’t apologize for your less than perfect house at Easter. Your friends and family are there to visit with you, not criticize your home. I hate it when I go over to someone’s house and they start pointing out all of the things wrong with their home. It’s awkward. Nobody has a perfect house. Thanks for the great post!
I agree – once again! We have people over probably 3 or more days a week. It is having so many people drop by, using our home for various purposes, that helps to keep it neat and tidy. It’s ready to go at a moment’s notice. People don’t hesitate to stop by and don’t feel weird doing it. I don’t have to apologize for my home’s condition – which I get from many friends. We love to open our home to our friends and church family and family! I laugh when people say it’s immaculate – since it’s totally not, I’ve just got them fooled. Before your 31 days posts, I had already started planning a long series on having a home that is “immaculate” (pun intended) that will run every Wednesday in the months of November and December. (I really wasn’t trying to copy you, just glad I’m not the only one who feels this way). Thanks for your great perspective! Becky B.
we have people over all the time, and i forget that i have 100 unfinished projects all over my house. i’m always surprised when people ask about the 4 foot space in my kitchen that’s unpainted (i couldn’t reach it without a ladder, and i haven’t gotten the paint out again) or the roll of burlap half unfurled by my dining room windows (just seeing if i like it- possible mistreatment)! i’d rather enjoy the time with them than obsess about finishing my decorating before i have anyone over. : )
Did you see Gretchen Rubin’s article on clutter in Zen Habits? http://zenhabits.net/identify-clutter/
I can ‘t wait to check your site every morning for inspiration! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your helping change the way I think about my home.
What an awesome point that you made, that you didn’t apologize. A good friend of mine recently lovingly corrected me for always apologizing/pointing out things. Very thought provoking.
Oh, you are SO right about feeling more comfortable having company when the nest is not a mess!
On the occasions that I’ve been caught by surprise with company and a house in disarray, I cannot enjoy the visit. Seems like all I do is keep my eyes darting around the room and noticing my mess and feeling rotten beause I’ve been CAUGHT!
I meant to say as I clicked SEND, “when the nest IS a mess.” !!
You just nailed it girl. I feel like I’m finally getting a handle on things at home, like I’ve found what’s working to keep it tidy and uncluttered. (Never perfect, mind you.) My husband wonders why I’m in such a good mood as of late, my kids notice I’m less snappy. I feel guilty that tidy-ness and orderliness can alter my personality so much but truly, it does. (If you want to know my secret(s), it’s decluttering, getting rid of stuff we don’t need, and um, I get someone to clean it once a month. It feels like cheating but I homeschool my 3 young kids and work part-time. Mama needed some help! Having someone clean just once a month helps me maintain everything so much better.)
This series has been so good for me. It’s reaffirmed some of what I’ve already learned and put into practice but it’s also given me some new inspiration. Best of all, none of it involves a complicated system, just common sense. I’ll be sad when the month is over. : (
I’m so glad to have found your site. I like how you are weaving your gifts for designing and beautifying your home with your faith and love of family. I am a recovering perfectionist with two young daughters who make sure our home is never picture-perfect. I’m learning to love the lived-in look. And, I’m also learning the my perfectionist tendencies are not all that becoming and do nothing to put others at ease. I’m a work in progress, but I love how you used this post to remind me to always prioritize relationships and memory-making opportunities. I have to remember that my goal is to make our home a haven and a place of joy and peace… not necessarily a spread in a design magazine :)
Oh, Nester! Thank you for the reality check. I have 4 kids–one of whom is a VERY busy, messy toddler who trashes the house every day.
“What is the the purpose of your home in this season of life and how does that affect your standards of messiness and perfection?”
That little sentence gave me just the reminder I need. Right now, home is slightly (quite a bit) messier than I like it to be, but I need to remember to keep it HOME and not a HOUSE.
xo
(and I loved your thoughts on not apologizing! If I don’t think I’m “good enough,” nobody else will, either)
I stumbled upon your blog and it’s too cute! I found it from Babbling Abby <–another blog I follow. Anyways, I was wondering where you got your slipcover for the wingchair in the 1st picture on this post?!? I've just come into a nice PB wingchair with a few spots and I was looking for something JUST LIKE THAT!
Ps..your house is too cute and messy is ok! It makes things feel lived in!
Oh, I had to clean out my studio the other day before I could get to work on a deadline that was looming…I was right int he middle of my clean out and an email popped in asking if the art as done yet. It is a tricky line to walk, the need to have some order which can clear your mind and not being obsessive!
I agree with you wholeheartedly on the benefit of keeping things a little “mess less” at home means that I don’t have to make getting ready for people to come over a HUGE deal (I grew up in that kind of environment where it was a major undertaking to get the house ready for hosting others). It means that I can be comfortable with people stopping over unannounced (although sadly, that rarely happens), or at least I can welcome people with short notice. And that’s what I want – to be available always.